Suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

I know, I know, it's been a while... But now I'm back, and with a vengeance!

The past three weeks have probably been the greatest test of my academic career up til now, and I am glad to say that I managed to not only survive, but actually make quite a success of it! Great, now that I've successfully stroked my own ego, let's recap what has happened since the last post...

A couple of weeks ago, Stellenbosch was hit by the worst gale-force winds I have seen in my decade of living here. It's awe-inspiring and horrifying to think that one can harness so much destructive energy in mere air, and that so much damage can be sustained in just one night. Granted, these types of winds aren't a rarety in the country, or even the province for that matter, but it kind of makes a massive difference if you live in a place which is a) generally windstill and b) has a gigantic oak tree around every corner. As I was driving to work the morning after. I had to make 3 detours to due logs blocking the road, and when I finally made it to the farm, I spent most of the day clearing up the rubble (a tree fell down on the owner's house, and two in the parking lot) - it was actually quite cool, I got to play around with a chainsaw (a la Jason from Friday the 13th) and lug around heavy objects (my free state genes really shone through...)!

After doing my bit to destroy our forests, I managed to serve one customer during the day... A quaint man, didn't talk that much, kind of chugged everything down within a matter of seconds, then started chatting eventually. Turned out to be the former Welsh rugby coach. Go figure. Weird day in general... Oh well...

Speaking of natural disasters, one of my oldest and best friends arrived in the country recently, after a stint in the United Kingdom. It was both weird and wonderful to see Good 'Ol Deon again: So much had changed, yet so much has stayed the same. Upon first glance he kind of looked like the character from that game Hitman (pale, shaved head, black overcoat, wireframe glasses), apparently he had quit smoking, started drinking less, and also had a spurt of pseudo-religious reawakening - all good things. Yet, still, we reconnected within a matter of minutes, and he was very eager to share his stories, experiences and the reasons behind his redesigning of himself. He's still not out of the dark yet, but he's making massive steps, and I personally think he's on the right track. I'm proud of you, man.

The thing that has seriously been getting me down for the better part of three weeks has been academics. In the past three weeks, I have had no less than four tests, two assignments (one of which is essentially the first draft of a masters thesis...), and an oral exam. Miraculously, after spending more hours in a day studying in stead of sleeping (thank god there is now a place in the Neelsie where you can get free espresso and cappucino...), I managed to get through all with flying colours... Hopefully the nightmares of weirdly mutated lecturers (a la The Hills have Eyes) attacking me with overdue assignments will finally end... Now we just have to wait and see. Incidentally, I've also decided that I'm officially going to do a Master's degree in Law, and have started talking to my lecturers about what would be the best way of going about becoming ridiculously over-qualified.

Last weekend, the debating society attended the annual invitationals tournament hosted by "that other weird place inhabited by Capetonians who don't drink" (UCT for short...). After years of falling about between different partners, Martin Bekker and I (for the people who don't know what I'm talking about, simply skip to the next paragraph...) finally decided to have a shot at speaking with eachother again, in the hope that we can make our great last stand. Not realising how rusty we are (in terms of debating and showtunes...), we made absolute fools of ourselves and ended up breaking to semi-finals in last place (and that's only after one team had to leave early...), so we weren't feeling too positive when we were up against two incredibly strong teams. Strangely enough, to the amazement of all (especially us...), we pulled several rabbits out of a hat (proving the old adages "never piss off a philosophy lecturer" and "don't tell Koornhof about bad governance" - OK, so maybe they're not that old) and managed to be the only Stellenbosch team in the final. The final didn't go too badly, although the topic was horrible (honestly, a bill of rights for animals???? A bit too nice and fluffy...), and we managed to hold our own. It would have been nice to be take the cup home, but Rome wasn't built in a day, and Martin and I will have our vengeance...

For the past four months, I was essentially an only child. And I loved it! Honestly, who doesn't like constant attention, parents buying you lunch and dinner "just cos I haven't seen you enough this week," sending you wine and little extras, and these types of things? Anyway, after finally getting used to this new life and treatment, my sister decides to arrive back in the country from the states. Now, make no mistake, I love my sis and I missed her just as much as everyone else, and I enjoy the constant sibling rivalry, but it was kind of cool having undivided attention and not being blamed for everything that goes wrong... On the other side, she's looking good, doing well in both academics and her sport, and it seems like she's grown up just that little bit more... Maybe one day we'll be able to sit down and talk like rational adults, maybe never, but it's kind of weird and cool to see that the young'un is no longer that young...

Last night we had our traditional celebration of drunken debauchery and even drunker argumentation, that glorious thing we all love (or love to hate): the Stellenbosch Great Beer Debate! After several hours of arguing why Michael Jackson should be pope and hearing why dinosaurs REALLY went extinct (thanks Piet, thanks...), and still retaining the title of Champion Beer Downer (Tom Riley would be proud, I am finally under 2.5 seconds...), I found myself and several others being auctioned off to the, erm, highest bidder... After being bought by a mysterious group of women referring to themselves as "The Coalition," I shudder to think how I will be abused for three hours sometime next week... Oh well!

Right, so that's the end of that, and that's why I haven't had the time to update this bloody thing... Enjoy the rest of the M.M.O.M (merry month of may), and hope to hear from you all as soon as possible!!!

Music Lyric of the day: "If there's a problem, yo I'll solve it! Check out the beat while my DJ revolves it!" (Vanilla Ice, Ice Ice Baby)

Arb 80's trivia of the day: Funnily enough, Big Brother didn't watch you in 1984. At least I hope not...

Suggestion of the day: Phone up an old friend and have a drink with them. Try to re-establish that old bond - you'll find it's quite easy and well worth it...

Quote of the day: "Cogito cogita ergo cogita sum" - I think I think therefore I think I am... (Thanks Kev!)

A missive on missing your misplaced friends

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I miss my friends. I miss you all a hell of a lot.

Last night I received a phone call from one of my best friends at varsity, a man who I seldom hear from these days (due to work pressure, from his side, so I don't blame him in the slightest), and who I haven't seen since January. This is a person who I spent four long years with at varsity, where we managed to drink many litres of red wine (after I taught him how to appreciate the stuff...) and whiskey, talk for days on end about anything but work, and had many strange adventures with. Needless to say, I miss good ol' Dave, and if it wasn't for the fact that his mobile phone is broken and he has no internet connection, we would probably still manage to communicate every day. Still, we try our hardest... The problem is, this little scenario has been acting out more and more over the past couple of months. Being the guy at university that outlives everyone is slowly but surely making an impact (Kev, if you're reading this, I now understand what you meant when we talked about this three years ago...).

Most people can predict where this post seems to be going, every single blogger in the universe has written something about how lonely he/she is... Yes, I miss my friends, we've shared some wonderful moments and now they all have jobs and live in different parts of the country (or the world, for that matter...), Yes, I do wish I could hear or see more of them. Yes, I wish they'd actually all still be at varsity. But, I will not write this to guilt-trip them into phoning or mailing me more, or trying to visit me, or anything like that. I am not such a selfish person. All of them are doing what they are doing because they have to (or want to) do it, because they have goals that must (and will) be attained. I try not to judge my friends, and I like to think they've always extended me that courtesy as well. So, I have decided to write this silly little guide to what you should do when you miss your friends...

First off, remember that these people, if they truly are your friends, are thinking of you, and will try their darndest to stay in touch. If that means a phonecall once in a while, a weekly message, or just an online diary so that people can read what's going on in their lives, at least it's an effort. Some will have the chance to do more, others won't. Accept it. The fact that they try means they haven't forgotten you yet, and probably won't either. Remember, these people probably miss you as much as you miss them...

Second, you will see these people again. Most of the people who go abroad tend to come back, or at least tend to visit on an annual basis. The people in the country are never more than a couple of hours away, be it by car or plane. And everytime you do actually get to see these people, the reunion is so much sweeter and more fun. Plus, one day when we can finally travel via teleportation without being turned into Jeff Goldblum, no one will ever have to worry about the distance of loved ones ever again.

Third, don't be a hypocrite. It's not like you're currently sitting in the middle of the Antarctic manning a weather station. You do have friends around at you at any given time who you can always spend more time with. Think about this: next year, or whenever you leave university, and all your younger friends are still around, you'll be in exactly the same shoes as the people who left before you. How would you like it if these people constantly guilt-trip you for your attention?

Fourth, when people do visit you or get in touch, make the most of the situation... Talk too much, drink too much, make sure you/they leave with at least another two or three stories to tell your grandchildren (once they're older...) about.

Fifth, there is no fifth!!! I'm not bloody Dr. Phil! I don't have all the answers! If I had I wouldn't write them on a blog but in a book so I can get millions in royalties and then visit you all!

Guys, I miss you, and hope you're all doing well. Hope you still have a great time, take care, and come back anytime (and everytime) you get the chance!

Right, so a special themed 'Of the day' for us all...

Music Lyric of the day: "If life is just a highway, and the soul is just a car, then objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are" (Meat Loaf, Objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are)

Arb 80's Trivia of the day: According to Forbes magazine, Cabbage Patch Kids were the most popular toys sold in the 80's. They also had so-called 'evil twins', the Garbage Pail kids (they weren't evil, just filthier), who even got their own TV show and movie. Weird.

Suggestion of the day: Never be ashamed of watching childish, cheesy movies and tv shows, or playing games from your youth. There's nothing wrong with reliving your childhood. I do it at least once a month, it helps keep me sane.

Quote of the day: "Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. Ok, we can swing with that. But performance debilitating drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the hundred meters, fair play to you. That's pretty damn good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance." - Eddie Izzard

OK, so maybe it didn't have a theme after all... Until next week!

In defense of a cruel month

Isn't April a weird month?

On Monday morning, I rolled out of bed and couldn't feel my toes due to the cold. Needless to say, like a normal, rational human being that's afraid of his extremities dropping off from frostbite, I dressed warmly and went to class. However, sometime during my two-hour stretch of lectures, someone decided to turn the thermostat up by about 15 degrees celsius, and repaint the sky from a decidedly unfriendly off-gray to an almost technicolor blue. To make sure I didn't turn into a human snowman, I quickly ran to the flat to change into something slightly less eskimo-like, only to have the weather turn cold again an hour or so later...

Now, normally I would write off occurrences such as this as a freak thing (Strawberry Spring, and all that), but the problem is that it's now happened three days in a row. And it's starting to annoy me. I don't know whether I should blame Mother Nature, global warming, the american government or the Ewoks (though I doubt it's them, what with them being in a different solar system AND figments of George Lucas' imagination...) for what's going on, but someone has to 'fess up! Oh well, 19 days into the month, and that's the only complaint I have so far...

I've mentioned before that I don't agree with TS Eliot about April being the cruelest month. As a matter of fact, I enjoy April. And I don't understand why some people in fact DO agree with Eliot, even if it means they have to create their own chaotic miasma of crap (be it financial, emotional or otherwise) to dump themselves into simply because it's the fourth month of the year.

April is kind of like that playful child with the weird powers in the Twilight Zone movie - playful, and not exactly malicious, but just a little hurtful at times. It's a time filled with public holidays, family gatherings, massive meals and easter eggs. Yet, due to these things, most people tend to also have overdue work, miss the family and friends they didn't or couldn't see, and be angry with themselves because they destroyed their diet. It's a double-edged blade - there's always a little bit of bad thrown in with the good - but the one edge is decidedly duller than the other. Our own perception determines which side is which.

Revolt, I say, show Eliot that he might be a great poet, but he isn't in charge of our lives!!!

Isn't it wonderful how a rant seems to make you feel so refreshed?

Music Lyric of the day: "Are we growing up, or just going down?/ It's just a matter of time until we're all found out/ take our tears, put them on ice, cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light!" (Fall Out Boy, Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the year)

Arb 80's Trivia of the day: In 1981, Nintendo fails to acquire the license to use Popeye in a new game. In a last minute rush, some sprites and colours are changed, and Mario the plumber (the world's best selling video game character ever) is born. The name of his original girlfriend is actually not Peach/Toadstool, but Pauline.

Suggestion of the day: Drink more wine. It keeps you young.

Quote of the day: "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." (Winston Churchill)

For the non-believers: Proof that Michael Bolton did sing in a heavy metal band...

On rejection, further education and the Easter Bunny

Right, here I am again. After having been stuffed the entire weekend (family lunches, dinners, teas, and whatnot... My god, these people eat more regularly than hobbits, and I love it!), I find myself full of energy and totally unwilling to sleep. So I thought it's about time I make a post (seems to be turning into a weekly thing... God help us all.) so that those people who care may be enlightened. Here I go...

Since the last post, I have received a letter from a law firm. And, before you ask, it's not exactly of the "Oooohhh, we love you and want to have your children so that they can also work for us one day" variety. Now, make no mistake, I do not for one second think I am God's gift to anything (except maybe 80's music trivia...), and most people tend to get rejected once or twice before they actually get a job, but I was hoping that I'd be able to get it first time. The fact that the letter was from one of the firms I really, really wanted to work for made it a bit harder to accept as well.

I like to think of myself as someone that deals with rejection well (due to having so much experience at it... Or am I being too self-deprecating?), and I am definitely not going to blame anyone else for my current state of affairs. If there's one thing I hate, it's making excuses where they're not needed or wanted. No one ever seems to think that the fact that they screwed up in the interview, or that their academics could have been better played a significant role in why they weren't chosen. I know where my faults lie, and I try to use experiences such as these to make sure I can downplay them in the future.

The other day my father made quite possibly the craziest suggestion of his life. Being a lawyer himself, he knows that there is immense pressure on the South African legal industry (among others) to transform and become more diverse among racial and gender lines. OK, so maybe affirmative action does come into play with regards to all of this just a little bit (I'm not going to rant about affirmative action, quite frankly it has a place and I view it as simply another variable that has to be dealt with while job hunting... Refer to the above paragraph). Anyway, back to the story. In an unusual display of deductive logic, my father asks me this simple question: If I seemingly have difficulty getting a job at a traditional law firm (due to the fact that I'm pale and male and they still need to transform), then why don't I simply apply to firms that don't have this particular issue (i.e. black empowerment law firms)?

Now, far be it from me to point out the incredible irony that a Koornhof is considering becoming a token white guy (for any of you that know anything about South African history, you'll understand what I'm going on about...), but the above-mentioned idea, as bizarre as it may seem, is actually quite brilliant. So, there I go, sending off a bunch of applications yet again (this time to up-and-coming 'black' firms). Already things are looking quite promising, but that's all I'm going to say for now, because I have no intention of jinxing my second chance as well...

In between the time I got the first letter and my dad having his odd-ball idea, I started seriously considering what to do if I didn't get a nice, semi-decent paying job. Slowly but surely my thoughts started wondering to the prospects of further education. Now, I have always had this morbid fantasy of getting a Ph.D so that one day, if and when someone needs a doctor (let's say on an airplane or at an opera, or some place else melodramatic...), I could walk up to the person in question, give him a thorough examination, and then ask "Son, do you have a last will and testament, or would you like me to draft you one right now?", and then go on about my merry way; for the first time in my life, this seemed to be a distinct possibility... After having to think long and hard whether I would put myself through the experience of another year at varsity (five years is long enough, and a sixth one would be quite lonely, seeing as most people have already left...), I decided that I would be willing to pursue an LL.M (I might have to wait a couple of years for that Ph.D, though). If that turns out to be the case, this is a pre-emptive request for all of my friends who will (hopefully) be working next year to look me up and buy me tons of drinks (the positive karma you will receive will more than make up for the money spent...)

Lastly, I want to wish everyone a wonderful Easter. Whether you celebrate it for religious or chocoholic reasons (or, in my case, probably both...) I hope you all have a great time to reflect and relax with family, friends, loved ones and the rest...

Right, as promised, here are you're "Of the days" for the week:

Music Lyric of the day: "The Colgate Invisible Shield finally got 'em!" (Alice Cooper, Generation Landslide)

Arb 80's trivia of the day: Michael Bolton's (thesedays very rare, for obvious reasons) first album was actually heavy metal.

Suggestion of the day: Try not judge or think about people based on their first impressions, age, gender, race, or what they study, but rather who they are. As difficult as this may seem, if you can pull it off, you might just be able to treble your circle of friends within a year, and you will have WAY less issues in relationships.

Quote of the day: "We all go a little mad sometimes." (Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates, Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho)

Before I go, I promised to post this... There you go, Tim!

Electrical storms and pub quizzes...

Don't worry, everything will become clear as this inane little post progresses...

I am currently sitting at work. For those of you who actually might have accidentally stumbled on this blog, I am probably the only person to NOT bitch about my work. Why? Simple. I work at the only place on the planet where drinking on the job is actively encouraged - a wine farm. Every bottle I open, I have to taste (company policy). Every time there's a function, I get to drink other people's wines for free. Every day when I come to work, I leave with wine at the end (you can't let good stuff go to waste). And I even get paid a decent wage (decent for a student doing this on a part-time basis, I even get commission during peak season...). Bliss.

Anyway, here I am, glass of bubbly in hand, slightly hungover after last night, and getting slightly pissed (hair of the dog works well for me) while I'm waiting for people to show up to sell wine to... So I've decided to regale you all with a retelling of my week's experiences so far...

On Monday, I witnessed an electrical storm. A proper one, complete with thunder, lightning, that fizzy feeling in the air, tons of rain, gale force winds, and general chaos. It was GREAT! Maybe it was just the fact that I was watching Metallica's 'Cunning Stunts' DVD, or the fact that I had consumed about half a bottle of whiskey at that point, but it made me feel all young and cuddly inside. It reminded me of the storms we had back in Swellendam when I was a child, where you'd be scared out of your wits, and sometimes be woken up from a lightning blast that was so close that it actually illuminated your room. What was precious about these storms is it brought you face to face with your own mortality (an exhilarating experience even at that age), while at the same time it brought with it a celebration of life. The following day the entire town would always be awash with colours from all the plants suddenly waking up and seeping in the nutrients. Beautiful.

As it turned out, the following day was in fact very vibrant with colour, but considering a hungover man only wants to see in black and white, I was not so appreciative of my surroundings as I was when I was small...

Tuesday and Wednesday was spent doing absolutely nothing. I stayed in bed, ate take-out, played PC, watched movies, and was an absolute slob. Nothing much happened then, unless you call the fact that I watched an entire season of "My name is Earl" and designed 2 'Classic' holes in SimGolf achievements...

On Thursday we took part in that most prestigious of pastimes, the pub quiz. I've also noticed that this is probably the one thing all of my friends have in common - we all tend to take part in pub quizzes, no matter where in the world they are... I guess you're never too old or desperate for free food and booze... For the past couple of weeks, we've been constantly slogging at the quiz, winning a round every now and then, and managing to get a respectable third most every week (apart from the one time we came second, and the one time we came fourth... I guess it evens it out...). The biggest problem with the quiz is that it takes place on a thursday, which means we never make it on time due to debating and only play about 5 out of 8 rounds on average... This week, however, due to the study break, we had a fully rested, relaxed and eager team, and actually managed to be there from round one... Needless to say, we cleaned up, managed to win free rounds of drinks five times out of eight as well, and now I have a voucher for a romantic dinner for two (or one above par piss-up with snacks...) courtesty of the Black Bull, Stellenbosch. Life is good...

Right, before I leave, I've decided to add an "Of the Day" section, so here goes:

Music Lyric of the day: "Can I play with madness, and stare at its crystal ball?" (Iron Maiden, Can I play with madness)

Arb 80's trivia of the day: Andrew Ridgeley was the other guy in Wham!

Suggestion of the day: Try eating a sheep's head at least once in your life. Don't worry, it's dead, and it's technically therefore not staring at you. Just make sure a certified guild member cooks it. I recommend the meat in the cheeks.

Quote of the day: "What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now" - The Buddha (I thought it should be a deep one that relates to "My name is Earl" - cool series, seriously...)

If you have any suggestions for "Of the Day" feel free to drop a comment...

Study Break...

Right. It's been six days since the last post, and things are decidedly better off. The essay draft is in (now I just need to get the essay itself done...), all my tests are over for now. On Friday the first term officially ended for us, and I decided to give myself a couple of days to recuperate away from students and the likes thereof...

After a decidedly relaxing weekend spent eating various foods (most of which I can't pronounce) and drinking various substances (most of which I can't remember) at my parents' place, I am on my way to good ol' Stellenbosch. I am still waiting for my rejection letters from law firms (no news is good news, for now...), and for the time being I'm going to spend my days leisurely working on things I'd like to finish before the new term (such as The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, and the new Terry Pratchett...).

They say that April is the cruelest month. I tend to disagree. The month that normally doesn't like me is March (with August hot on it's heels), considering it's the time of year that I'm always single, broke, overworked, and don't seem to get to spend enough time drinking and socialising in general. Already things are better. I've managed to spend time with my family & friends, have a couple of really nice meals, get horribly drunk (and not have a massive hangover), sort out my finances (well, at least I'm not AS broke anymore...), and that's just in the first three days so far! In April, things just seem to cut me some slack. I don't know why, it just happens, and I'm not going to jinx it by trying to find out why I'm not being karmically screwed over like everyone else around me... Sometimes you should just be thankful. Here's to a great month (hopefully)!!!

Down the path I wander (wonder?) anon...

Oh God...

I've done this before. It was a bad idea. Back when no one did this type of thing, I was a blogger. I also drank much more then, weighed much less, had no degree, and wasn't constantly worrying about whether or not I would have a job by next year. I quit doing this after actually devoting six months to writing a quasi-biographical fictional tale dubbed "80" (Everyone who knows me, try guessing what it was about...), and now I'm about to do it again. Well maybe things won't turn out as bad as last time. I hope...

Right, so here I am, sitting in the library of Stellenbosch University, trying to write a godawful essay on the history and application of legal comparison in our courts while trying to maintain my sanity. I've found exactly eleven cases over the past 12 years which are of any significance to my field of focus (unjustified enrichment), which means that I am going to have a VERY long night... Either I'll have to lengthen the time-frame of the study, or I'll have to get an entirely new field of focus... FUN FUN FUN!!!! Aaaaarrggghhh!!!

Oh well, that was my first entry in almost 3 years. Short, meaningless, and somewhat quizzical. Glad to see I'm still on form...

More rantings (hopefully longer, funnier and more sensible) to follow shortly...