No pain no gain...

Yes, I'm back, and the exams are finally over! I only a short while I will know whether or not I have attained my second degree... Strangely enough, I'm not exactly stressed about it. I studied hard, and worked harder than I've ever done before, so it's bound to pay off in some respects. Most of the results I've already got back were positive, so it's more a question of time than anything else...

The reason why this post took so long is not necessarily because it's been so incredibly busy, but rather the fact that nothing much has happened. Obviously, it was because everything was studying, which I found to be very weird. Having spent most of the year grinding at my academics, I found the exams to be quite a breeze, and spent most of the time relaxing (much to the annoyance of my flatmates, who were all in a frenzy... Needless to say, with my new relaxed way of approaching studying, I had oodles of time to find something else to do.

Right, so why is the title of the post a reference to an obscure song from the Scorpions? Well, due to the fact that I had so much time on my hands, I decided to convince my future flatmate (I say future flatmate, but he's essentially been squatting in the place for the past month already...) to help me in my endeavours to reinvent myself (refer to previous posts...). BIG mistake. Never ask a guy who used to have national colours in 2 sports to be your personal trainer. Especially if he tends to look and act like the Incredible Hulk (well, if the Incredible Hulk was diabetic and had German blood in him...). For the past three weeks, I have hit the gym for 2 hours, four times a week, and have been eating pretty much nothing but fish, broccoli and salad. Two scary, yet positive things resulting from this:

1) I am losing weight at a rate of knots.

2) I think I'm starting to like broccoli.

Two of the past three weeks have been spent house-sitting for my parents (who went to Spain for birthday treat/2nd honeymoon-type thing) and slowly but surely moving all the stuff out of my flat and back to home... Not a fun process, but it had to be done. After such a long time living on campus, and in a different place, it actually felt weird to have to stay at home for a night. It's pretty damn creepy, especially when alone... Although, it does have its benefits, like a liquor cabinet which is substantially better stocked, a full fridge, a TV that actually works all the time, etc....

Last night, due to serious financial issues (I'm not broke, because several people owe me money, but I just can't seem to squeeze it out of them), I was working as a wine steward at a private party. And what a party this was! The guy, Graham, clearly struck it rich at an early age, but managed to stay humble at the same time. The function consisted of 200 people, approximately ten courses of food (every single course essentially a meal in it's own... Isn't choice a wonderful thing?), two bars (one for cocktails and hard tack, the other for wine), and several other odds and ends... It was quite a cool party, needless to say, but what made it even better is when the bossman told us all to make ourselves at home, grab a drink and some food and join in... There's nothing like a good party, except if you get paid to do it! It did however leave me in a bit of a daze this morning when I had to go fetch the parentals from the airport...

Ho hum, life has been boring... That's about all that's happened to me so far. Sorry, can't even make it sound that interesting. Both ways, Monday I start working on the wine farm for the holiday, and the week after that I'm off to Kimberley (of all places) for some much-deserved (and needed) socialising... Until then, I promise to make the next post less boring...

Music Lyric of the day: "In the land of the pigs, the butcher is king!" (Meat Loaf finally releases Bat ouf of Hell 3!!!)

Arb 80's Trivia of the day: 1987 heralded the birth of ADSL internet, Anime films becoming widespread, the Simpsons (on the Tracy Ullman Show), and VGA graphics... Oh, and my sister. Talk about Karma.

Suggestion of the day: Sing out loudly and jump around like a maniac when you hear a song you like. Your real friends will understand. You only live once.

Quote of the day: "This must be what angels taste like..." - Homer Simpson

Jones in the fast lane (or maybe it's an off-ramp...)

Ladies and gentlemen... I have a job! Actually, I have the equivalent of 1 and 3/4 of a job (2 part-time jobs and another which pays ad hoc). Considering I'm doing my Master's degree next year, I decided to find something to while away some of the time, and which would also enable me to enjoy my life a bit more (and have money for the finer things in life...). So, next year, I shall be maintaining the following odd jobs:

• Research assistant at the Faculty of Law: The pay isn't amazing, but the hours are and the people I work with are incredibly interesting.
• I'll still be working at the wine farm, but more regularly now. It's a good job, very steady, and enough perks (especially now that the management has changed...).
• I am going to do dispute resolution for the rugby academy at one of the Stellenbosch colleges. It's something on the fly, a bit of cash in hand every now and then, and makes perfect sense, seeing as this is what I plan to do with my life one day (hopefully it won't involve people bitching about the red card they got in the previous match, though...).

Right, so that's how I will be funding myself as of next year. Hopefully I will be able to settle the massive debt I have with all the people who bought me drinks this year when I was broke (Ah, Karma!)... Incidentally, this also means I have probably done every single odd job on the planet, including the following:

1. Carwasher (everyone does this at one point in time)
2. Debating coach
3. French Tutor
4. Male model (I shit you not, there was at least one photo shoot...)
5. Selling my soul to a cigarette company (long story, this one)
6. Boxing baby products for a major chain store
7. Legal consultant (refer to previous post)
8. Waiter
9. Radio Presenter (I even won best talk show, at one point in time)
10. Secretary/Paralegal
11. Actor
12. Wine Critic (for an upcoming independent wine website)
13. Babysitter

The list goes on...

Anyway, so I've noticed a prevalence of these little Blog thingies appearing on all my mates' pages, so I though it would be appropriate to let themselves know some arb details about what colour drink I am as well, and all that jazz... So, here goes... Some of these I even find hilarious, if only it's because they're wildly inaccurate (or are they???).

You Are 36% Paranoid Schizophrenic

You're pretty grounded, though you have your occasional paranoid moments. Just make sure to ignore those voices in your head!

Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?

Your Lust Quotient: 58%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it. Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Sketchiness Factor

You are 47% Sketchy

How Sketchy Are You?

You Scored 65% Correct

You are a solid child of the 80s You'd never confuse Tiffany from Debbie And while you may not know Prince's first #1 hit You know every word to Little Red Corvette

How Much Do You Know About 80s Music?

You Are Spider-Man

Quick and agile, you have killer instincts (literally). And that kind of makes up for the whole creepy spider thing.

What Superhero Are You?

Right, that's about enough of that... Now on to the epilogue...

Music Lyric of the Day: "He doesn't look a thing like Jesus but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined, when you were young..." (The Killers, "When you were young" - Great song!)

Arb 80's Trivia of the Day: In the 80's, you could wear a "Frankie says Relax" T-shirt without getting shot in the Free State (for being gay) or in the Western Cape (for having no sense of style).

Suggestion of the day: Run around the block once a day. When you live to be 97, you'll thank me... If you can't/won't do that, try to get something published, so that you can at least have something people can always remember you by.

Quote of the day: "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

Word to your mother!

I've always wanted to start a blog like that...

Yes, for those of you who can't believe it, I have finally found the time to blog again! OK, maybe "found the time" isn't the right phrase to use if you're a student, and especially not while you're writing your final, and (obviously) most important, exams to date... But after being told by several people (in person and via email) that they are actually interested in my mind-numbing meanderings (and after being chastised by even Kevin... Hypocrite!) I decided to devote some time to it again, cos I actually liked doing it and there wasn't any particular reason why I stopped in the first place...

Right, so where do I start? Maybe it's only fair to answer some questions that most people will have had, and to give a slight recap of the past six months of my life... After that, we can get some serious ranting going, just the way you all like it... So, let's all hold hands (metaphorically speaking), and drudge through the rollercoaster that has been the last half of my 23rd year of existence...

• The rest of June: I was temporarily employed as a legal consultant much to my own frustration, and was horribly underpaid. Spent a substantial part of the early holiday with my parents, mostly in the northern part of the country, in obscure places like Upington and Kieliekrankie... There was almost never any cellphone signal, so I spent most of my days drinking whiskey, red wine, and reading various books (Ranging from Winnie the Pooh to Plato - I kid you not...). Bliss. Among other things, I also managed to hunt for truffles and actually find some (for those of you who are uninformed, truffles can also be found in arid no man's lands like the Kalahari, and they are almost exactly like the ones found in France, except you have to go look for them yourself but you don't pay through your nose...). All in all, pretty fun! I also discovered that I have the Body Mass Index of a grossly obese person, which had me doubting whether or not the system is actually worth anything... Honestly, am I in denial and on the verge of becoming whale-like, or are all dieticians the karmic equivalent of lawyers?
• The month of July: Most of this month was taken up by sheer drunkenness, debating (read: more drunkenness), the World Cup (why Zidane, why???) and culinary experiences that were out of this world. Debating nationals was fun yet nostalgic at the same time, considering there were only a couple of old hacks, and we were all struggling with the fact that we were getting old and most of us were leaving. It's amazing how people become good friends when they essentially see eachother for only 2-3 weeks max a year. The tournament itself went very well for Stellenbosch: we took 8 out of 9 teams (and all our adjudicators, save one) to the quarter finals, got teams and adjudicators in both finals, and managed to win a couple of awards along the way. Not too bad... Apart from my cellphone getting stolen. After nationals, most of my time was spent recuperating and getting ready for the new term. Apart from that, I had some seriously amazing meals, the most memorable being one where we decided to live like kings, and made a wonderful 5-course meal where each had to contribute something decadent... To give you a rundown: truffles, kudu fillet, caviar, fois gras, french champagne, french Sauterne wine, and enough Stellenbosch red wine to kill a small giraffe... It was a series of orgasms on little green plates...
• August: Ho hum... a boring month. Way too routine. A couple of bouts of pub quiz, a round or two at the wine farm. Not even a proper academic challenge. The only thing that happened in this month is that I had to say goodbye to someone I had come very close to during the last year or so. But even that goodbye, in retrospect, has me filled with mixed emotions. I love her to bits, and probably will carry on loving her, but she hurt me in several ways, and definitely left some wounds, of which hopefully none will end up scarring over. I don't hold grudges, and I always forgive, but that doesn't mean it didn't leave me tender.
• September: The month was spent building relationships, strangely enough. I got to know some people in my class better, and ended up becoming mates with them. I spent some time (either physically, or in digital format, when it comes to the ones who are abroad) with friends I hadn't seen or heard from in a while. The mad Irishman was down, and plenty of fun was had by all. I also met his new girlfriend, a very nice woman who (oddly enough) reminds me of my mother... Here's praying the O' Connor doesn't take this in the wrong way and tries to kill me next time he's down... Tim also, quite bluntly, told me that my fears of the great BMI conspiracy (as mentioned earlier) are unfounded, as I had indeed gotten pudgy.
• October: What a weird month. One of emotional death and rebirth, essentially. On my 23rd birthday, I had the equivalent of a nervous breakdown, triggered by the onslaught of the facts that I was getting older, all my friends were leaving while I was staying to do my Master's, I had never had a meaningful relationship in my life (only a series of flings which ended up expiring within 3 months), and that I was definitely pudgy (Damn you, Timothy!!!). Subsequently, I spent 4 days of my life dealing with issues that were neither dead nor well-buried, all the time while consuming bottle after bottle of whiskey. I came out of that time with new resolve, and decided to hit life head on. My academics ended up going extremely well (according to my standards, at least), I went on a exercise and eating programme (it's going well, so far), and for the first time in a long time, I am genuinely happy. People tell me I look different, and I must say that I feel slightly different. I guess Nietzsche is right: that which does not kill only makes you stronger...Apart from my Damascene experience, I also spent an obscene amount of time with the Women Of Stellenbosch Debating (Calendar appearing soon...), and ended up with a fair amount of juicy gossip, politicking experience (these chicks should run the country, honestly!), and incredibly funny quotes (to follow shortly)... Oh, and the exams have started, yet again...
• November: Right, nothing to report so far. Except for the fact that I saw an old friend from Grahamstown for the first time in a long time, and ended up having an amazing night with her and Hawk. Tash, you are a truly remarkable person (for a woman on the run from the US Government)... Enjoy the wine!!!

Right, so that covers my life, I hope you all feel better now...

And now (drum roll, please), a selection of quotes from my nights spent with the all-powerful W.O.S.D... In order to avoid getting sued, I'll either not name the person who said the quote, or try to give it the proper context...

"I was really shy until grade six, and then I got fat..." - I honestly don't want to know what this means... (maybe she meant PHAT?)

"It's okay, I'm wearing really big panties!" - Anja is weird.

"If looks could kill, I'd be fucked four times over!" - My cousin enrages one of the W.O.S.D.

"I got groped by a lesbian once..." - Yet again, Anja is weird.

"Excuse, but I've given Wits nothing but pleasure." - Our chair loves her little innuendos...

"I so owe him a blowjob by the end of the week..." - Our chair believes in returning favours, apparently.

"So who hasn't slept in Koornhof's bed, honestly?" - I reserve comment on this one.

And many more... All can be found at Fridge Quotes! Check it out...

Right, now for the old traditional ending...

Music Lyric of the day: "I went to church incognito, and everybody rose! The reverend Smith he recognised me, and punched me in the nose!" (Alice Cooper, "No more Mr Nice Guy" - this is the song I listened to non-stop during my breakdown...)

Arb 80's trivia of the day: Madonna has always had that gap in her teeth. She just used to hide it better.

Suggestion of the day: Everyone should, at several points in your life, reassess one's life and try to improve a thing or two. When you do this, please stay away from all sharp objects.

Quote of the Day: "Sorry, he can't talk right now, he's naked and tied to my bed..." (Tash Joseph is a living legend...)