Word to your mother!

I've always wanted to start a blog like that...

Yes, for those of you who can't believe it, I have finally found the time to blog again! OK, maybe "found the time" isn't the right phrase to use if you're a student, and especially not while you're writing your final, and (obviously) most important, exams to date... But after being told by several people (in person and via email) that they are actually interested in my mind-numbing meanderings (and after being chastised by even Kevin... Hypocrite!) I decided to devote some time to it again, cos I actually liked doing it and there wasn't any particular reason why I stopped in the first place...

Right, so where do I start? Maybe it's only fair to answer some questions that most people will have had, and to give a slight recap of the past six months of my life... After that, we can get some serious ranting going, just the way you all like it... So, let's all hold hands (metaphorically speaking), and drudge through the rollercoaster that has been the last half of my 23rd year of existence...

• The rest of June: I was temporarily employed as a legal consultant much to my own frustration, and was horribly underpaid. Spent a substantial part of the early holiday with my parents, mostly in the northern part of the country, in obscure places like Upington and Kieliekrankie... There was almost never any cellphone signal, so I spent most of my days drinking whiskey, red wine, and reading various books (Ranging from Winnie the Pooh to Plato - I kid you not...). Bliss. Among other things, I also managed to hunt for truffles and actually find some (for those of you who are uninformed, truffles can also be found in arid no man's lands like the Kalahari, and they are almost exactly like the ones found in France, except you have to go look for them yourself but you don't pay through your nose...). All in all, pretty fun! I also discovered that I have the Body Mass Index of a grossly obese person, which had me doubting whether or not the system is actually worth anything... Honestly, am I in denial and on the verge of becoming whale-like, or are all dieticians the karmic equivalent of lawyers?
• The month of July: Most of this month was taken up by sheer drunkenness, debating (read: more drunkenness), the World Cup (why Zidane, why???) and culinary experiences that were out of this world. Debating nationals was fun yet nostalgic at the same time, considering there were only a couple of old hacks, and we were all struggling with the fact that we were getting old and most of us were leaving. It's amazing how people become good friends when they essentially see eachother for only 2-3 weeks max a year. The tournament itself went very well for Stellenbosch: we took 8 out of 9 teams (and all our adjudicators, save one) to the quarter finals, got teams and adjudicators in both finals, and managed to win a couple of awards along the way. Not too bad... Apart from my cellphone getting stolen. After nationals, most of my time was spent recuperating and getting ready for the new term. Apart from that, I had some seriously amazing meals, the most memorable being one where we decided to live like kings, and made a wonderful 5-course meal where each had to contribute something decadent... To give you a rundown: truffles, kudu fillet, caviar, fois gras, french champagne, french Sauterne wine, and enough Stellenbosch red wine to kill a small giraffe... It was a series of orgasms on little green plates...
• August: Ho hum... a boring month. Way too routine. A couple of bouts of pub quiz, a round or two at the wine farm. Not even a proper academic challenge. The only thing that happened in this month is that I had to say goodbye to someone I had come very close to during the last year or so. But even that goodbye, in retrospect, has me filled with mixed emotions. I love her to bits, and probably will carry on loving her, but she hurt me in several ways, and definitely left some wounds, of which hopefully none will end up scarring over. I don't hold grudges, and I always forgive, but that doesn't mean it didn't leave me tender.
• September: The month was spent building relationships, strangely enough. I got to know some people in my class better, and ended up becoming mates with them. I spent some time (either physically, or in digital format, when it comes to the ones who are abroad) with friends I hadn't seen or heard from in a while. The mad Irishman was down, and plenty of fun was had by all. I also met his new girlfriend, a very nice woman who (oddly enough) reminds me of my mother... Here's praying the O' Connor doesn't take this in the wrong way and tries to kill me next time he's down... Tim also, quite bluntly, told me that my fears of the great BMI conspiracy (as mentioned earlier) are unfounded, as I had indeed gotten pudgy.
• October: What a weird month. One of emotional death and rebirth, essentially. On my 23rd birthday, I had the equivalent of a nervous breakdown, triggered by the onslaught of the facts that I was getting older, all my friends were leaving while I was staying to do my Master's, I had never had a meaningful relationship in my life (only a series of flings which ended up expiring within 3 months), and that I was definitely pudgy (Damn you, Timothy!!!). Subsequently, I spent 4 days of my life dealing with issues that were neither dead nor well-buried, all the time while consuming bottle after bottle of whiskey. I came out of that time with new resolve, and decided to hit life head on. My academics ended up going extremely well (according to my standards, at least), I went on a exercise and eating programme (it's going well, so far), and for the first time in a long time, I am genuinely happy. People tell me I look different, and I must say that I feel slightly different. I guess Nietzsche is right: that which does not kill only makes you stronger...Apart from my Damascene experience, I also spent an obscene amount of time with the Women Of Stellenbosch Debating (Calendar appearing soon...), and ended up with a fair amount of juicy gossip, politicking experience (these chicks should run the country, honestly!), and incredibly funny quotes (to follow shortly)... Oh, and the exams have started, yet again...
• November: Right, nothing to report so far. Except for the fact that I saw an old friend from Grahamstown for the first time in a long time, and ended up having an amazing night with her and Hawk. Tash, you are a truly remarkable person (for a woman on the run from the US Government)... Enjoy the wine!!!

Right, so that covers my life, I hope you all feel better now...

And now (drum roll, please), a selection of quotes from my nights spent with the all-powerful W.O.S.D... In order to avoid getting sued, I'll either not name the person who said the quote, or try to give it the proper context...

"I was really shy until grade six, and then I got fat..." - I honestly don't want to know what this means... (maybe she meant PHAT?)

"It's okay, I'm wearing really big panties!" - Anja is weird.

"If looks could kill, I'd be fucked four times over!" - My cousin enrages one of the W.O.S.D.

"I got groped by a lesbian once..." - Yet again, Anja is weird.

"Excuse, but I've given Wits nothing but pleasure." - Our chair loves her little innuendos...

"I so owe him a blowjob by the end of the week..." - Our chair believes in returning favours, apparently.

"So who hasn't slept in Koornhof's bed, honestly?" - I reserve comment on this one.

And many more... All can be found at Fridge Quotes! Check it out...

Right, now for the old traditional ending...

Music Lyric of the day: "I went to church incognito, and everybody rose! The reverend Smith he recognised me, and punched me in the nose!" (Alice Cooper, "No more Mr Nice Guy" - this is the song I listened to non-stop during my breakdown...)

Arb 80's trivia of the day: Madonna has always had that gap in her teeth. She just used to hide it better.

Suggestion of the day: Everyone should, at several points in your life, reassess one's life and try to improve a thing or two. When you do this, please stay away from all sharp objects.

Quote of the Day: "Sorry, he can't talk right now, he's naked and tied to my bed..." (Tash Joseph is a living legend...)